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We av many stories of unbelievable shit which as apand 2 us n people we know, n we r sure dat u av sum 2 – if u wood like 2 share em den send ur story 2 us via email n we wel gladly put it on.
Andrew’s Turfage
Now dis is fucked up, sum people already know about how Andrew got turfed about 4 doin fuck all! N 2 all use who dnt know or if u need remindin den dis is it. Andrew & myself went 2 James’ house 2 collect Andrew’ bike which was left at James’ house a week b4. It was around 8pm. As the bike had a puncher, Andrew had 2 wheel d bike. Shortly after leaving James’ house Andrew n Nam walked through their normal path on Linton Road. Nyway, we walked past a house which had a girl n her mother sittin outside it on deck chairs. As we approached the road ahead out of nowhere came a man who tried 2 rugby tackle Andrew 2 d floor. Andrew did’t wanna av a bar of it n nor did I, I was tryin 2 get d man off him n Andrew was shoutin ‘get d fuck off me’ but dis didn’t help n Andrew musta got turfed round like a dicked. The man paused and started rolling up his sleeves, so we were getting ready 4 a clash. N den dats wen d gal who was sittin outside er house run in sayin 2 d man who was er dad, dat ‘dats him, he is d guy dat robbed me’, Andrew backed down. Andrew was protesting his innocence n d gals father called d police. N after 2 mins 4 fed cars pulled up. She told d police several stories er last 1 said dat Andrew was wit another gal called Leanne who jacked her, her frend n her frends bf n dat Andrew was jus standin dare watchin. How d fuck can 2 gals n a boy get robbed by jus 1 gal. It was defently a hype.
Cream Egg
2 frends Frank n Mark, Frank as a secret, Mark doesn’t know dat he has lipsed Frank n he has sucked Frank’s dick. U r probably wondering how d fuck can u not know dat – read on n find out.
Frank, Mark n 3 other frends went away 4 a weekend. B4 boarding d train on the way bk Mark went off 2 d toilet. Frank n d 3 others were left on the station platform. Previously Frank purchased a pack of Cadbury’s Cream Eggs. Frank shared em out among his frends. All dat was lift was Mark’s. Dis is raw n I dnt advise ny1 2 do dis. Frank gently unwrapped Mark’ egg wit out tearing d wrapper. Frank den sucked on the egg n den he rubbed it over his dick n his foreskins. Dey were all in tears wit laughter. Frank wrapped d egg bk up n boarded d train. Wen Mark got on Frank gave him d egg n he ate it! A couple of mins after 1 of d 3 asked Mark if e liked his egg. Mark asked y n d other said cos dare egg tasted rank. Mark replied ‘it was d best 1 I eva ad’. The group could not even laugh. Till dis day Mark has no idea about dat day's atrocities.
PUT IT IN
About ten years ago my brother went 2 a skool called south east London in class one day there teacher was a sexy hoe much like the buff miss whiters. While teaching this teacher kept bending over 2 pick up pens while wearing a mini skirt. A boy called Danny (he sat next 2 my brother) suddenly stood up and said fuck it and went over 2 da teacher pulled down her knickers and went to fuck her (she woz lovin it) and went 2 stick it in and came before he even done it.
Written by James Ray
Egg And Run
Date 16th April 2005
Following me gettin kicked out of Saturday skool, Jack, James and me were bored out of our minds as they came out with me. James bein such a starving wanker went to the café and ad a full English. After that we were still bored. So we decided 2 go egging. We walked up to the River Thames and we saw sum cunt on his boat – he was a blatant target! He got about 7 eggs launched at him. We den sprinted a couple of yards headin Bk 2wards skool. I knew dat sumthin wud happen said 2 dem dat we shood get out of da area but jack was convinced dat e wudnt cum after us n James wernt bothered as e was lukin 4 a chase. Sum of da eggs cracked in my bag n 2 eggs cracked in jacks pocket n it wernt a pretty site! Nyway Jack handed me his money bcoz his pockets were full of yolk. Just as I unzipped my pocket da man emerged at da top of the road runnin 2wards us shoutin sum shit. Jack n James were off n I ad 2 quickly stick da money in my pockets b4 I breezed off as wel. I was all over da place I ad lots of shit fallin out of my pockets n I dropped bout 3 times. We ran passed da skool n hid in sum block opposite it. The man walked past da block n we were lying on da 2nd floor lukin dwn at him. We were there 4 bout 30 mins b4 we got turfed by an angry resident who said we were makin da place luk untidy. She was irate. Wen we got 2 da ground floor we made a run 4 it. We ran bout 100 meters. Me n James was ahead n Jack was a few yards behind. Me n James almost ran straight in2 him as e was across da road, but Jack clocked him b4 e clocked us. So we ad 2 run bk da way we jus came n a bit further n hid in another block 4 bout another 30 mins. We eventually made a home run n made it 2 James’s area.
Written By Andrew T. Williams
Do You Check Your Feet?
16 May 2005
Here’s a bit of advice wen eva u r goin out check ur feet! Nam bein such s persistent wanker rang me 2 cum out. So I jus put sum trainers on n headed out. Me bein such an untidy waste guy jus leave my trainers lying round my room. Nywayz, me n Nam was jus fuckin roun endz 4 about 2 hrs bein utter waste youths. 4 sum reason wen we r near Tesco’s we alwayz go in n buy sum snacks n shit. So we wnt in n started browsing 4 munchies. So I wnt dwn 2 pick up a pack of Maryland’s n dats wen I clocked dat 4 da last 2 hrs I ad been walkin round with trainers dat were not matchin. They were both black so dats probably y I didn’t clock straight away. On my right foot I ad a black Air max 95’ trainer n on my left foot I ad a black Air Max 90’s trainer which has a massive red tick along da side. I felt like a complete wanker! We quickly got out of Tesco n we ran 4rm Tesco bk dwn 2 my house 2 save nymore embarrassment. It was humorous n we ran laughing da whole way bk. In future im gonna check my footwear b4 leaving yard!
Written by Andrew T. Williams
Brap Brap!!!
Patrick’s m8 Liam wit 2 local wankers, 1 called Chase n da other Michael Foley. Michael and Chase tormented Liam’s lil sis thru da telecom sayin dat dey will fuck er up 4 no reason. Liam’s sis was 12, Chase was 14 n Michael was 16. When Liam found out e was straight on da phone 2 Patrick, so dey made plans 4 da cumin Friday. ( No 1 who has beef will go 2 another area on dare 1s n 2s). Patrick n Liam wnt 2 Foley’s area wit 5 other boys, n me bein Pat’s brother jus ad 2 cum, so I tagged along wit 2 of mine (Jack n Jo M). We expected a fight so I brought my baseball bat which I ad 2 stick dwn my trousers which made me luk like I ad a limp. It was a miss getting there but wen we got there no 1 was about, so we were jus Cochin 4 bout 20 mins. We were walking through a small path which had bushes on either side n a block behind on da left side. Michael had a m8 who ad a air riffle n we found out da more practical way. We walked past da block n den a shot rang out. The dick ed with da air riffle aimed at Jo’s head but as Jo was a bit ahead, not knowin dat e had a bit of afro the shot wnt right thru his hair n caught me at the bottom of my head. It was like a fuckin movie! We ran on past da corner. I felt like I had a stone da size of a football dashed at da Bk of my head. Sum nxt boi Danni found da aluminium pellet which hit me. i was bleedin 4 a bit n a yr an half l8r I still av a lil bump on my head 4rm where I got shot! Lukin Bk at it I think it was kinda funny but obviously not at da time. So maybe ill b da nxt 50 cent as I av been shot lol but hopefully I dnt end up like Tupac – n get a second shooting!!
Written by Andrew T. Williams
Da good die young # 2
When a child is born it brings happiness to a family especially when the child is the first born. Everyone hears stories daily about innocent people dying but most of us don?t feel the pain or loss of losing someone until they go through it their self, so we jus move on like fuck all has happened. Im shore I speak for most people when I ask myself that when a great tragedy happens how can there b a God up there? If there was a God; then why do people discriminate against a person because of the colour of their skin? Why is there families living penniless all over the world? Why are thousands of people dying in Tsunami?s? Why are planes flying into buildings? If there is a God then why are babies dying before their first birthday??
There is a reason for everything - so I have been taught. I am a good Christian when I want to be ? when I need to be, but it doesn?t stop me from questioning and who is there to answer my questions no one because they can?t be answered. A person should value their life because life is invaluable. Why millions of children are blessed with life from God but then has that taken away from them by God is something that really drives me mad. Why should pre meditated murderers, paedophiles and rapist live and innocent people die?
Michael Williams
23 / 10 / 03 - 6 / 11 / 03
Written by Andrew T. Williams
Consequneces Of Bunkin
In total I have bunked about two months of skool mainly with jack roche but if I was 2 add all those exclusions, suspensions and da number of times I have been sent home and individual lessons which I have bunked then Ill b looking at about three and a half months off skool. And during this time I have come across many fucked up stories lol. Da most boring thing has 2 b bunkin on ur J's and even on ur 1s and 2s it can still b boring. About 90 % of da time that I have spent bunkin in and outside skool I would b with Jack as he is my bunkin partner lol. Me and Jack have been all over London while bunkin, we have been Camden, Peckham, Euston, Catford, Lewisham, Borough, Embankment, Waterloo, Shepards Bush, Aldgate, Lime House, Brixton, Dulwich, Walworth and some more places which have slipped my mind. Da weirdest place we have been while bunkin is da Imperial War Museum. Consequences and many! Once when bunkin me and Jack saw da police 17 times in one day. We have never been stopped by da feds luckily. When a person goes 2 da war museum and you have a bag, you will b asked 2 open it before entering. So when Jack was opened his bag da security guard saw his uniform he thought he got nabbed but due 2 my experience I jus quickly said dat he was taking his uniform 2 da dry cleaners. Due 2 da large number of waste youts on road we have been stopped pure times by mans who were shottin phones n weed lol. There must b a hundred stories dat I have about da consequences of bunkin, but da biggest consequence of bunkin is all dat invaluable skool work which u miss out on, so u c im not dat much of a waste yout lol. My advice 2 u is dat u shood stay in skool n get ur shit dun, o n 2 all those 4rm St Michaels if u reali cnt stand it above da hall dare are 2 lil rooms which u will have 2 use da ladder 2 get up 2, da staircase by Mr Buckley's room is another great place and da staircase by da library. But if u wanna get out of skool u shood run out thru da dinner hall fire exit all da fire exit where da teachers smoke,fuckin heel the amount of times me and jack have done that and jumping da bk fence is 2 hot coz theirs a camera on dat wall now. Or u can go bk 2 old skool n fake a note.
Written By Andrew T. Williams
Monkey Kick
A tramp stepped on to a bus and started to get mouthy with some of the other passengers, the bus was one of them bendy ones. He ended up calling a Jamaican man a monkey, the next stop the tramp fund himself flat on the floor when the doors open - as the Jamaican man threw the tramp out of the bus, the tramp tried to get back up but was put back in place as as the monkey? kicked him back down in the chest, the Jamaican man was calmed down and was told 2 allow the tramp and the bus driver helped the tramp back on the bus n picked up the tramps possessions ( which was mainly coppers), when a tramp got on the bus the Jamaican man said to him: u you see what a monkey can do!
Written By Andrew T. Williams
Waste Youts
Evry1 knows at least 3 waste youts and 4 sum reason ere in da dutty south there r bare waste youts in evry batch there is at least 2 waste youts. Now im not gonna name all da waste youts dat I know, but there r 2 waste youts dat r jus pure waste! Jason and Obed but da king of da waste side in South London must be Andres blad day dnt cum more waste than him. Andres is a waste yout 24/7.
Chapter 1- Obed
Da story of Obed is dat his jus not serious if u was 2 jus chat 2 him he will jus cum out wit da thing is yeah, I had ur mum? or da thing u dnt understand is yeah, dat I'll hurt u?. Which is true coz e is one of da top boxers about in South London but trus me his older bro is more ill than him wen it cums 2 boxing. And Ill bet u dey will both be reppin it 4 their country in da future, which is?????, dnt wori Obed I wont boy it lol And Obed if ur reading this den da thing is yeah, I had ur mum!!!!!
Chapter 2- Jason
OMG his talent of being a waste yout is indescribable. He is 100% waste. Wen he walks in2 a room u can jus tel by his facial expressions dat he Is lost. Da way his face jus alters wen u ask u ask him da date and time makes me crack up. Even wen dis waste man aint been blazing he still looks baffled. He can be a smart guy wen e wants 2 b but dats hardly ever da case, wen is it gonna b da case son?? If only Jason stayed of da gud shit then maybe e wudnt b as fucked as e is now but we all know who led him astray da waste side king Santos. Shout out 2 all da wastes u know who u b .x.
Final Chapter- Andres
Andres tut tut, unbelievable. Jus da other wk wnt cinema e tried 2 get a child ticket by saying dat e was 14 wen e was 16. So wen da guy asks him 4 his date of birth e was puzzled 4 bout half a min: ..erm.... da ... erm 17th of June 1990 da guy said 2 him wel dat means ur 15 but u jus said dat u were 14 den Andres: .. erm ... na hold on yeah im 16 we all started laughing at his idleness. Andres said 2 da man: u know wat fuck it im 16? n da man charged him 6.75. After we moved 4rm da ticket booth Andres started blaming all of us n said dat it was coz we were laughing. And da thing was da FILM WAS A CERTIFICATE 15. Dis is jus 1 occasion dare r many others which r jus ridiculous, dis guy gets up at 2 in da afternoon, goes out till 2 in da morning n goes 2 bed bout 5 am waste or wat? But Andres we salute u still as u r DA ULTIMATE WASTE SIDE KING
Written by Andrew T. Williams
Park Ranger
While sum of us was on a 3 day trip 2 Alva Stoke near Gosport we decided 2 get in da Local Park which was fucking massive. Coz it was a Sunday da park was closed so me, James, Jack roche and Jack M had 2 jump sum hench fence. No offence 2 Jack M n any1 else who smokes but me Jack roche and James cant stand cigarette smoke. Jack M ask us 2 go under sum tree wit him so he can have a quick cigarette cos it was raining, me n Jack stayed on da path n da other Jack n James went under da tree. As Jack M sparked up Jack roche shouted out "parkee" we ran off n they ran after us. James used his head and ran 2 da path but Jack continued 2 run along da grass. And den as we looked back we saw Jacks legs shoot up in2 da air as he slipped n slid across da floor. We cracked up. Den jack got up and started swearing saying dat we lick ass. And there reali wasnt no Park Ranger coming and he tried 2 switch on us but he got put bk in place wen e took a look at da mud all over his Timberlands, raincoat and Levis. So he said fuck it and through da jacket on da floor and walked along da path wit us. James laughed at him and then he stormed off. As he walked off we said between us dat we bet he picks up his jacket on da way bk 2 where we were staying. And as we looked on at a distance we c him pick up his Jacket. And when we got bk in we were confronted by Mr Mahon coz Jack snitched us up 4 climbing in2 da park the fuckin wanker lol. ( jokin )
Written by Andrew T. Williams
One Rev
Bk in da days wen Nam was a youth e had a accident which was quite spasticated lol. He was on holiday in Vietnam at da age of 11 Nam was riding is Granddads motorbike and at first he was quite good. But back den e wernt fully knowledgeable of driving motorbikes. Nam came to a hill and he decided to go down it and at da end of da hill the road wnt straight bk up again. So he went down at one rev and tried 2 go up da other hill at da same rev n coz e didnt rev da engine up 2 get more speed, da engine cut out on him half way up da hill. Nam started tilting 2wards da left and Nam tried 2 hold it up right but all attempts failed and the bike fell on top of him. Nam escaped with minor injuries and his dad got left with a hefty bill.
Written by Andrew T. Williams
Broken Window
Back in Feb 2004 while loading sum boxes on2 a truck cos we were moving my bro got him self 2 beef wit da new neighbours with da new neighbours who were squatters. My bro had a lot of junk which he didnt need anymore so he jus started throwing it on 2 da grassed area in front of r old yard. Da tramp came out n said 2 him: do u wanna stop doin dat. my bro said im sori if I disturbed u so jus go by ur business and den da tramp started going irate and started swearing. My bro just walked off and left it. Luckily we just move down da road, so dat night me, him and 3 of r cozens who jus live across 4rm us wnt bk tooled up wit a baseball bat and a metal pole. We climbed in2 da garden and looked thru da window but we coodnt c thru his red blinds. My bro started having second thoughts and said 2 me:“we shoodnt b doin dis" I looked at him n den looked bk at da window smashed it with 1 swing of da bat and instantly my bro struck da window with his pole. We all breezed it and my bro dropped da pole by da garden and den da silly cunt buckled. He shouted at me 2 cum bk but I jus shouted bk telling him 2 get up and run - its raw I know but e listened and we ran bk home da long way round.
Written by Andrew T. Williams
Sandwich
Firstly I wanna point out 2 u dat u should always b careful wen ur riding on a road. On da 17th of June five of us were riding round being waste youts. We went 4rm Old Kent road 2 London Bridge. I admit dat we were riding a bit recklessly but we wernt doin no harm. Nyway on Tooley Street 3 of us were riding on da road as there was hardly any traffic, I was riding side by side with a taxi and den sum stupid bus driver on da opposite lane came up even though he could see dat if he didn’t stop den I would of got crushed between da bus and da taxi. But da fucking idiot kept on moving. Da space between da bus and da taxi was less than a meter and I was stuck between them. I narrowly missed getting smashed in da face wit da wind mirrors on da bus. And den da bike was getting rocked 4rm left 2 right I hit da side of da bus and den hit off da side of da taxi and dat repeated round 3 times until da taxi driver stopped. Da taxi driver asked if I was ight and da bus driver only stopped cos e reached da traffic lights. Like anyone else I went mad and started swearing at da bus driver. Da ting about it is dat all my breddrins dat were wit me apart 4rm Jack found it funny. Nam said it was funny because of da way I reacted wit da bus driver. Will fuck u Nam, Andres and Jason. Da only thing dat stopped me 4rm falling off and going under da wheel of da bus or da taxi was da handlebars and stunt pegs at da front of da bmx. 4 sum reason my life seems 2 b 2 fucked up. All da shit dats already happened 2 me in dis year is more than wat happens 2 sum people in their whole life. Who do u know dat has a near death experience? Cos I didn’t and now ive experienced 1.
Written by urs truly ATW.
Wat bridge is dis?
Wen I was sitting on a bus going 2 sum nxt endz in West London, a tourist got on a bus and asked the bus driver if he is going 2 Waterloo Bridge da bus driver answered yes and agreed 2 tel da tourist when he gets 2 Waterloo bridge, some time wnt past and the bus driver had already gone passed Waterloo Bridge and the tourist asked the bus driver isnt this Blackfriars bridge? da bus driver said yes. The tourist then said "dat mean we have gone passed Waterloo Bridge?" and da driver said yeas again. The tourist was incensed and said 2 da bus driver "u said u wel tel me 1ce we get 2 da bridge!!" The bus driver then said 2 him: a Bridge is a Bridge, dis is a bridge so get da fuck off1! So the tourist got boyd and got off da bus.
Written by Andrew T. Williams
R U keeping dat warm?
Evry1 4rm St Michaels knows about da hype bk in da day wen it came 2 jackin shit at lunch time 4rm da canteen, shit like burgers, hotdogs, sandwiches, crisps, chocolates, cookies n I even heard bout sum1 jackin chips by putting dem in their blazer pocket!! 1 guy Younger Nova was so use 2 jackin 4rm da dinner hall dat e began 2 jack casually, I aint gonna lie e was gd at jackin but I day (da day e stopped) e was not gud enuff. E was TRYIN 2 jack a burger like I said e was a casual jacker, so e jus stuffed it in his Blazer pocket n walked away wit dat smile e always has on his face lol. Not knowing dat Mr Buckley was standing right behind him. Mr Buckley followed him 2 da tills n said 2 him: dat burger in ur pocket, r u keeping it warm? Or r u being a lil shit? Nova was nabbed unlike others e got let off lightly I think e jus served a detention and I know full wel if dat was me den ill get suspended n my mum dragged in2 skool again. So 2 all da thieves out their - evry1 gets nabbed 1 day.
